A lot of people ask me what a typical work day is like. Here we go:
8:00am- wake up: Listen to some Aaliyah tuneage while getting dressed. Turn on Fox news. Then get mad because I’m watching Fox news.
8:45- Walk to the subway station while thinking about how hott Eddie Murphy was in the eighties.
9:15- Morning Meeting w/ the writers and Jon. Talk about what topics we want to cover. Find out I’m going to be on the show that day.
10:00- Head over to my office. Turn on Fox news. Mute it after 10 minutes because I remember that it is my nightmare.
10:15- Read the news blogs. Head on over to Michael B. Jordan’s twitter to see what he’s up to for the day. He tweets about something sort of lame like sports. Head over to Drake’s twitter. He tweets about things that are always out of context and that also seems like he is from another planet. Get annoyed that his tweets never make sense. Remember that I’m distracted and head back to the news blogs.
11:00- Field meeting where we talk about the pieces we are working on. Some people somewhere want to pass this law that is weird and unreasonable. We pitch ideas for packaged pieces and update everyone on what is going on with what we currently have in edit.
11:45- Head back to my office and call my mommy in California. She asks me if I am taking my vitamins that she sent me. I say yes, but really it’s a no because I don’t like to swallow things that taste gross.
12:30pm- Walk around the office to grab some coffee from the K-cup machine. Run into Wyatt. I reach over to high five him and he says “No way that’s lame.” Then he hands me a very thoughtful housewarming gift. A print by one of his favorite artists. It’s framed and everything. I say thank you but he’s already walking away and says, “Don’t mention it, Ding Dong.” I remind him to never call me Ding Dong and that my name is Jessica. He responds with, “I call you Ding Dong because that’s your name, Ding Dong.” Then he walks into his office.
12:45- Walk over to Sam and Jason’s office. Sit on Sam’s couch and she tells me very funny stories about her kids. Sam hands me some mint-chocolate out of her purse and asks me how my new apartment is and how my parents are doing. I tell her my apartment is lovely & that my mom sent me vitamins but I’m not taking them. Sam tells me I should probably take my vitamins because being sick and having to work is awful. I agree with her because she is Sam and not my mother. Walk out of Sam and Jason’s office feeling even better than I did when I went in.
1:00- Two words: Catered. Lunch.
1:30- Ugh I guess I take my vitamins.
1:55: Pet one of the dogs walking around the office. Wished that one of them belonged to me. Then remembered that I don’t like poop and have already killed several of my new houseplants. Decide, nope.
2:00- Head back to my office. Reflect on how hott Eddie Murphy was in the eighties. Think about how dope his outfits were in Raw and Delirious. Think about how those outfits reminded me of Elvis. Remember that part in that SNL book that I read where it talked about how Eddie Murphy would sometimes just watch old tapes of Elvis performing. Wonder if, by proxy this means that I also think that Elvis is hott. Decide that this is too much to think about right now.
2:30- Get the first draft of the script for the show tonight. Break down the chat. Run my lines.
3:00- Hair, makeup, go downstairs for rehearsal with Jon in the studio. A little worried because my business suit makes me look like a corporate mom. Then remember that I’m about to perform on a show that sometimes does political-butt jokes. Feel good about everything again.
4:00- Rehearsal. Talk to Jon who is in his usual good mood. He does a very goofy dance and I join in. Then, as a joke, he fakingly throws out his back. Then he tells me that I should enjoy my youth now, because one day I will become his age and I won’t be able to dance as liberally as I used to. I quietly note that when I’m Jon’s age I hope that I’m able to dance around at work and fake throw out my own back. We proceed with rehearsal. Jon gives me and writers some notes to make the chat better.
4:30- Head over to one of the editing rooms to record voice overs for a field piece I’m working on. Try to knock out the my news-anchor lady voice in one take. Do. Not. Accomplish. This.
4:45- Re-write of the first draft of the chat with the writers.
5:30- Get called into another re-write room and talk to Jon about the chat we’re doing tonight. He looks through everything and then asks me if I’m okay with the piece. I’m like, “yeah dude of course this is amazing and this is funny and you’re my boss duh.”
5:50- Backstage. Running lines. Get incredibly nervous as I make my way into the studio. Backstage I can hear the roar of the audience and the opening of the show. Starting to get some anxiety and hope I don’t mess up. Before I head out to the studio I close my eyes, put my hand over my heart and whisper: “For Eddie Murphy in the Eighties.”
6:45- Change out of my correspondent clothes and think about how much my life rules. Go home to watch re-runs of Living Single and then meet some buds later at the bar on my block.